Expectations

Many people, including myself, have experienced a strong sense of unconditional love through our encounters with dolphins.  These serene experiences suggest that the dolphins seemingly unconditional love triggers the release of pent-up emotions and deep seated feelings trapped inside of us leaving us with a sense of well-being.    

Some healers believe that conditional love (expecting something in return) can create exhaustion and depression of the immune system leading to physical vulnerability; whereas unconditional love (without expectations) is a powerful stimulant to the immune system.  If this is so, it is no wonder dolphins appear to be able to help people recover from depression and other illnesses. 

Many of us tend to think we give unconditional love but often it is accompanied with expectations.  We expect things to happen a certain way.  Our family and friends are thrown into the struggle as we expect as much from them as we do from ourselves.  And, when we’ve done all we “should” do, “paid our dues” and “gone the extra mile”, we want guaranteed results and to be treated fairly in return.  Disappointment is always around the corner if things don’t turn out the way we expect. 

Expectations that are unspoken, unrealistic and unmet can cause us to make choices that can be harmful to us and to those we love.  When we assume others can read our mind and know what we need, want, or desire we are setting them up for failure and for future blame.   It seems easier to blame others rather than look inside of ourselves for answers.  In truth, we are the only one who is responsible for getting our own needs met.  We want to practice communicating our needs, wants, and desires clearly, otherwise, nobody involved has a clear idea of what went wrong.  We simply feel confused and powerless.  But no one is doing anything to us we are reacting to our own fear. 

Our expectations don’t make us wrong or stupid.  They make us human.   In most cases we all just want to be understood, respected, and loved and when we don’t feel that way our fear is triggered, things become confused, and we look to others or things to make us feel better.  When we push that responsibility onto others then we have no control because we’ve given our power away.  We have to be willing to take responsibility for our own feelings, our own choices, and that’s where we have the power to change things. 

The good news is that once we begin to identify the expectations that trigger our fear, we will be able to take proactive, self affirming actions to help us get back into our freedom of unconditional love and acceptance of our self and others.  Life is a continuous process of change with challenges at every level of growth.  Fear will always come up, but we’ll get better and better at eliminating the kind of expectations that prevent us from outsmarting and mastering our fear. 

As we accept that our expectations are a part of being human and as we accept that the feelings of fear, sadness, anger, self judgment, and disappointment will come up then those feelings become much more workable.  We recognize that those feelings are just like the weather – always changing, coming and going through our lives.  And what they pass through is the vast spaciousness of who we truly are.  As we become aware we are able to accept, and embrace those negative feelings, learn from their message, and then let go of any identification with them.  Thus allowing them to visit us temporarily, move through us, and then let them go. 

I send you Love and Blessings, Joyce 

I would like to hear your views on expectations and how they affect your life.  

Are You Voting on November 4th?

We are all living, whether we like to admit it or not, in turbulent times right now.  We are consumed with fear and our faith is being tested.  Everyday I wakeup with the intention to think positively, focus on the good but even with the best intentions I sometimes find myself failing miserably.  But, instead of beating myself up, complaining, making excuses, or avoiding the situation, I ask myself. “what is the gift in all of this mess?” In order to find the gift we must look for it and ask ourselves ”what is right during these challenging times and what is it that we can learn?” 

Don’t let fear keep you stuck by complaining, making excuses, or ignoring the situation.  This is an opportunity to be a part of the change that is needed in helping our country move forward and thrive.  In order to be a part of this opportunity we have to VOTE on election day, November 4th, 2008.  I’ve included a blog written my Rhonda Britten, founder of Fearless Living Institute and author of “Fearless Living”.  This article expresses my feelings and I hope encourages you to be a part of this time of challenge.

Warmly, Joyce

Election - written by Rhonda Britten 

This election, being fearless means you will:

1. Vote
I have spoken to many folks and some are hemming and hawing not sure who to vote for. The next words out of their mouth shock me: I will vote but not for the President. Or I hear: I just don’t know who to vote for so I just won’t vote.

WHAT!!!?!?!?!?!

Indecision is a natural part of the process but deciding not to decide IS deciding. If you don’t vote, you are giving the rest of the nation the opportunity to choose your fate. I challenge you to figure out where else in your life you are allowing ‘fate’ to make your decisions for you. This is a passive way to live and not the fearless path.

2. Language
Become aware of the fearbased language the candidates use as well as their fearless words. What issues concern you? Pay attention to how the candidates are proposing to solve them. What is their process? Are they making suggestions based on the fear of the masses? Are they creating long lasting solutions? Listen, listen, listen. Do not let your Wheel of Fear listen for you.

3. Think about your great grandchildren
The challenges we face right now are ones that must be solved for the long-term. Short-term solutions are band-aids. Sometimes we need a band-aid but if we keep the band-aid on too long it gets crusty, infected and ineffective. A band-aid is not a solution. Just like a wound we must let it heal and that takes time and care.

Every election is critical for the creation of the United States of America. We are literally choosing how our nation will develop based on the candidates and their policies.

I urge us all to pay attention to how we listen, how we decide, how we vote.

We will have a new President. Decide to have your voice be heard. Vote.

“Invest in the life you have now to get the life you want”  Rhonda Britten

To learn more about Fearless Living go to:  www.fearlessliving.org 

Courage is a door that can only be opened from the inside.
– Terry Neil

How to Create the Life You Want

Self-confidence empowers us to live life fearlessly and happily.  Do I have Self-Confidence?  To answer that question, one could ask: Do I love myself?  Do I trust myself?  Do I believe in myself?  Do I treat myself kindly?  Do I enjoy being me?

The answer comes from our thoughts; those we think about most of the time have become our reality.  Thoughts are the result of beliefs.  At the very core of those beliefs that shape your life, your health, career, relationships, finances, and level of happiness are the thoughts you have about yourself.

Where does self-confidence come from?  It comes from the feedback of others, and from our own internal self-interpretations.  For example, does a child have self-confidence who has never experienced the love, encouragement, and praise from a parent?  Does a comedian have self-confidence who has never made people laugh?  Does an engineer have self-confidence who has never developed a design that works?  Does a lover have self-confidence who has never experienced the joys of intimacy with another?  Our self-confidence comes from the way we interpret our experiences.

Having self-confidence doesn’t mean that we don’t make mistakes.  We all make mistakes and we are all capable of criticizing self, our body, our mate, our career, and our children while neglecting to see those qualities that are attractive.  As we choose to shift our thinking and are able to look at our mistakes as opportunities to learn and grow, self-confidence arises out of what was formerly disapproval and judgment of self and others.

When you have self-confidence you are able to trust yourself and begin to listen to your own inner voice.  You know you are able to rely on your own choices, decisions, and actions.  You have peace of mind regardless of your current circumstances.  You have the ability to reduce the anxiety that is so detrimental to a youthful, healthy life.

Are you willing to recreate yourself to have the life you want?  It’s important to remember that creation takes place in each moment.  It’s a process and requires you to be gentle, patient, and loving to yourself.  It requires you to accept yourself as you are now in order to become the person you want to be.  It requires you to begin choosing your thoughts.  As you continue to create the person you want to be, the new thoughts will become as automatic as the old ones had been.  Though it isn’t easy to create new mental habit patterns, with practice it becomes possible.  Expect that your self-work will give you results, and it will.

I would love to hear from you and any thoughts you have on how our thoughts  affect our self-confidence and our life.   

Warmly, Joyce

Interested in learning more?

Email:  joyce@unlockingyourvision.com Phone:  858-945-4928

To subscribe to monthly newsletter go to www.unlockingyourvision.com

No Beating Yourself Up

Do you ever put yourself down for not getting everything done, not getting it done right, and not getting it done fast enough?  Do you ever feel guilty because you think you could have done the work better?  Do you ever feel worthless because nothing you do seems good enough?  Do you ever say to yourself, “What the heck is wrong with you?”  “How could you do something like that?”  “Won’t you ever learn?”

Beating yourself up will never motivate you to change.  Beating yourself up with negative self-talk is the single most damaging thing you can do to yourself.  As Rhonda Britten would say, “You’re spinning on the wheel of fear.”  When you beat yourself up your confidence, courage, and self-esteem are damaged.  You disempower yourself and it keeps you in your negative self-talk.   

What if you stopped beating yourself up and instead empowered yourself in any situation?  You could accomplish living your life on your own terms.  You could shift your negative thoughts about yourself to empowering thoughts.  You would begin to notice the things that you do well.  You would begin to notice your unique qualities, your skills, your talents, and accept that you’re okay just the way you are. 

Awareness is the key and can empower you to stop beating yourself up.  Increased awareness helps you to hear your negative self-talk immediately after you utter it.  By catching it more quickly you can then choose to stop it and shift to more empowering, good feeling thoughts leading to positive actions

Acknowledging yourself daily is an amazing tool to stop the habit of beating yourself up.  This technique builds your self-esteem and your ability to count on yourself.  It is a specific way of giving yourself credit – credit that is no doubt long overdue.  Acknowledgments are an incredible tool for self-discovery, giving you the ability to increase your awareness of who you really are and at the same time validating your achievements. 

Trying to be perfect only leads you to disappointment.  Learn to be kind and compassionate to yourself, give yourself a break, and quit trying to be perfect. 

I would like to receive your thoughts on fear and how it can control our lives and our choices.

Sending You Love and Blessings, Joyce

View my inspirational dolphin video www.thedolphinmovie.com

“Live the Life Your Soul Intended” quote by Rhonda Britten founder of the Fearless Living Institute and author of the book “Fearless Living”.  www.FearlessLiving.org

We are what we repeatedly do.

–Aristotle

“What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us.” –Oliver Wendell Holmes