Expectations

Many people, including myself, have experienced a strong sense of unconditional love through our encounters with dolphins.  These serene experiences suggest that the dolphins seemingly unconditional love triggers the release of pent-up emotions and deep seated feelings trapped inside of us leaving us with a sense of well-being.    

Some healers believe that conditional love (expecting something in return) can create exhaustion and depression of the immune system leading to physical vulnerability; whereas unconditional love (without expectations) is a powerful stimulant to the immune system.  If this is so, it is no wonder dolphins appear to be able to help people recover from depression and other illnesses. 

Many of us tend to think we give unconditional love but often it is accompanied with expectations.  We expect things to happen a certain way.  Our family and friends are thrown into the struggle as we expect as much from them as we do from ourselves.  And, when we’ve done all we “should” do, “paid our dues” and “gone the extra mile”, we want guaranteed results and to be treated fairly in return.  Disappointment is always around the corner if things don’t turn out the way we expect. 

Expectations that are unspoken, unrealistic and unmet can cause us to make choices that can be harmful to us and to those we love.  When we assume others can read our mind and know what we need, want, or desire we are setting them up for failure and for future blame.   It seems easier to blame others rather than look inside of ourselves for answers.  In truth, we are the only one who is responsible for getting our own needs met.  We want to practice communicating our needs, wants, and desires clearly, otherwise, nobody involved has a clear idea of what went wrong.  We simply feel confused and powerless.  But no one is doing anything to us we are reacting to our own fear. 

Our expectations don’t make us wrong or stupid.  They make us human.   In most cases we all just want to be understood, respected, and loved and when we don’t feel that way our fear is triggered, things become confused, and we look to others or things to make us feel better.  When we push that responsibility onto others then we have no control because we’ve given our power away.  We have to be willing to take responsibility for our own feelings, our own choices, and that’s where we have the power to change things. 

The good news is that once we begin to identify the expectations that trigger our fear, we will be able to take proactive, self affirming actions to help us get back into our freedom of unconditional love and acceptance of our self and others.  Life is a continuous process of change with challenges at every level of growth.  Fear will always come up, but we’ll get better and better at eliminating the kind of expectations that prevent us from outsmarting and mastering our fear. 

As we accept that our expectations are a part of being human and as we accept that the feelings of fear, sadness, anger, self judgment, and disappointment will come up then those feelings become much more workable.  We recognize that those feelings are just like the weather – always changing, coming and going through our lives.  And what they pass through is the vast spaciousness of who we truly are.  As we become aware we are able to accept, and embrace those negative feelings, learn from their message, and then let go of any identification with them.  Thus allowing them to visit us temporarily, move through us, and then let them go. 

I send you Love and Blessings, Joyce 

I would like to hear your views on expectations and how they affect your life.  

How to Create the Life You Want

Self-confidence empowers us to live life fearlessly and happily.  Do I have Self-Confidence?  To answer that question, one could ask: Do I love myself?  Do I trust myself?  Do I believe in myself?  Do I treat myself kindly?  Do I enjoy being me?

The answer comes from our thoughts; those we think about most of the time have become our reality.  Thoughts are the result of beliefs.  At the very core of those beliefs that shape your life, your health, career, relationships, finances, and level of happiness are the thoughts you have about yourself.

Where does self-confidence come from?  It comes from the feedback of others, and from our own internal self-interpretations.  For example, does a child have self-confidence who has never experienced the love, encouragement, and praise from a parent?  Does a comedian have self-confidence who has never made people laugh?  Does an engineer have self-confidence who has never developed a design that works?  Does a lover have self-confidence who has never experienced the joys of intimacy with another?  Our self-confidence comes from the way we interpret our experiences.

Having self-confidence doesn’t mean that we don’t make mistakes.  We all make mistakes and we are all capable of criticizing self, our body, our mate, our career, and our children while neglecting to see those qualities that are attractive.  As we choose to shift our thinking and are able to look at our mistakes as opportunities to learn and grow, self-confidence arises out of what was formerly disapproval and judgment of self and others.

When you have self-confidence you are able to trust yourself and begin to listen to your own inner voice.  You know you are able to rely on your own choices, decisions, and actions.  You have peace of mind regardless of your current circumstances.  You have the ability to reduce the anxiety that is so detrimental to a youthful, healthy life.

Are you willing to recreate yourself to have the life you want?  It’s important to remember that creation takes place in each moment.  It’s a process and requires you to be gentle, patient, and loving to yourself.  It requires you to accept yourself as you are now in order to become the person you want to be.  It requires you to begin choosing your thoughts.  As you continue to create the person you want to be, the new thoughts will become as automatic as the old ones had been.  Though it isn’t easy to create new mental habit patterns, with practice it becomes possible.  Expect that your self-work will give you results, and it will.

I would love to hear from you and any thoughts you have on how our thoughts  affect our self-confidence and our life.   

Warmly, Joyce

Interested in learning more?

Email:  joyce@unlockingyourvision.com Phone:  858-945-4928

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