How can we achieve “Being Open to the Holidays”? We all have different expectations and different reasons to celebrate the holiday season; such as religion, family and friends, presents, decorations, parties, food, or giving to those less fortunate. As I was thinking about the many different reasons for this holiday season and how we can be open to these experiences I thought of two questions: “What is the joy of simply being open to life? “How can I accomplish this as I prepare for the holidays and on Christmas Day?” As these questions are answered you will gain insight and understanding which will allow you the ability to create and make this holiday season the best ever and then continue to apply these principles in the coming New Year.
For me the joy of simply being open to life is being open to the challenges that are presented to me each and every day. The joy is in choosing to look at these experiences as opportunities to learn more about myself, about others, and about life. The joy is in the insights and awareness’s I receive which supports me in looking at life with love and acceptance. This creates more joy.
Joy is created as we accept our self and others for who we are - weaknesses and strengths. We can only do this when we choose to let go of our expectations. Expectations can set us up for disappointment. We can’t control what other people choose to say or do. We can only control our own choices. Begin to recognize words that tell you your in expectations – I should, I have to, I need to, I’m expected to – and instead ask yourself, “Do I want to do this?”
Recognizing whether you are doing something because you want to or because of expectations will support you in how you approach the decision you do make and then how you follow through – either with joy or dread. If you feel “dread” then expectations are in play. If you choose to do something that you dread, take time to think about it and choose to become aware of why you feel that way. Then you can begin looking for the positive reasons why you are choosing to do something instead of feeling you have too. Remember, you are in control of making the choice, and because of that you are in control of either making it a dreadful experience or a joyful experience.
For some of us this will take daily focus on taking responsibility for all of our choices. Everything we do is a choice. If you choose to take a risk and not do something that is expected of you look at it as an opportunity to practice saying “NO”. Saying “No” and choosing “You” is okay!! You don’t have to make excuses and you don’t have to blame yourself or someone else for the choice that you make.
How can we let go of our expectations as we prepare for Christmas Day – by turning them into Intentions? Once we have identified our expectations, there is a much greater possibility of attaining freedom from being disappointed in others behavior and their reaction to us, and in being disappointed in our self. You can learn how to reframe your expectations into Intention. Expectations are what you think ought to happen as a result of what you do, say, or plan. It’s dependant upon an outside source. Whereas, Intentions are your approach to life based on the person you truly are – your essence. It’s dependant only on you – your internal source. When you are focused on your Intention you become focused in the present and you become open to life around you.
What’s so wonderful is that when you act out of Intention instead of expectations, you begin to experience the joy of being open to life and you expand the possibility for more positive outcomes. When you live in Intention you are able to find your courage and make the choices that support the person you are truly meant to be. Setting an intention can support you in having your best holiday season ever. Take the time to visualize what it is that you want to happen this holiday season. Ask yourself these questions; how do I want to show up and how can I create my best holiday season ever?
Gratitude’s are also valuable in supporting your intention and turning your holiday experience into something good that will help not only you but other people as well. Gratitude’s help you to recognize all that is right and beautiful in your life and in your day. Gratitude’s help you to acknowledge your fine qualities, abilities, and accomplishments. Gratitude’s support you in spending your time and energy in the moment rather than trying to understand the why. When you are in a state of Gratitude you allow your peaceful voice of intuition to become your primary guiding force.
Gratitude’s do more than make you feel good for awhile, they literally change the way you think. Gratitude’s shift your focus so that you are aware of what you have instead of what you don’t have. When you make Gratitude’s an important part of your day this holiday season, you will increase your ability to see opportunities and possibilities where perhaps none existed before.
As Christmas Day approaches make a list of all the people and things in your life that you are grateful for. Try to put aside any dread, anger, resentment, or disappointment and focus on creating good thoughts. Think about the opportunities and possibilities that are available to you on that day. Set an intention around how you want to show up on Christmas Day. Become clear in your mind as to what you want to experience and what will support you in achieving that goal. Setting an intention, being grateful, looking for opportunities and possibilities, and being clear on what it is that you want will help you to focus on the present moment and enjoy what is happening now.
I wish you the best Holiday Season ever!!!
Blessings, Joyce
I would enjoy hearing your comments on what “Being Open to the Holidays” means to you…
Joyce Henderson
Certified Fearless Living Coach
Certified Life Purpose and Career Coach
joyce@unlockingyourvision.com
JoyceHenderson@FearlessLiving.org
www.unlockingyourvision.com
www.thedolphinmovie.com
858 945-4928 cell/work
858 486-4928 home
858 486-6407 fax
Many people, including myself, have experienced a strong sense of unconditional love through our encounters with dolphins. These serene experiences suggest that the dolphins seemingly unconditional love triggers the release of pent-up emotions and deep seated feelings trapped inside of us leaving us with a sense of well-being.
Some healers believe that conditional love (expecting something in return) can create exhaustion and depression of the immune system leading to physical vulnerability; whereas unconditional love (without expectations) is a powerful stimulant to the immune system. If this is so, it is no wonder dolphins appear to be able to help people recover from depression and other illnesses.
Many of us tend to think we give unconditional love but often it is accompanied with expectations. We expect things to happen a certain way. Our family and friends are thrown into the struggle as we expect as much from them as we do from ourselves. And, when we’ve done all we “should” do, “paid our dues” and “gone the extra mile”, we want guaranteed results and to be treated fairly in return. Disappointment is always around the corner if things don’t turn out the way we expect.
Expectations that are unspoken, unrealistic and unmet can cause us to make choices that can be harmful to us and to those we love. When we assume others can read our mind and know what we need, want, or desire we are setting them up for failure and for future blame. It seems easier to blame others rather than look inside of ourselves for answers. In truth, we are the only one who is responsible for getting our own needs met. We want to practice communicating our needs, wants, and desires clearly, otherwise, nobody involved has a clear idea of what went wrong. We simply feel confused and powerless. But no one is doing anything to us we are reacting to our own fear.
Our expectations don’t make us wrong or stupid. They make us human. In most cases we all just want to be understood, respected, and loved and when we don’t feel that way our fear is triggered, things become confused, and we look to others or things to make us feel better. When we push that responsibility onto others then we have no control because we’ve given our power away. We have to be willing to take responsibility for our own feelings, our own choices, and that’s where we have the power to change things.
The good news is that once we begin to identify the expectations that trigger our fear, we will be able to take proactive, self affirming actions to help us get back into our freedom of unconditional love and acceptance of our self and others. Life is a continuous process of change with challenges at every level of growth. Fear will always come up, but we’ll get better and better at eliminating the kind of expectations that prevent us from outsmarting and mastering our fear.
As we accept that our expectations are a part of being human and as we accept that the feelings of fear, sadness, anger, self judgment, and disappointment will come up then those feelings become much more workable. We recognize that those feelings are just like the weather – always changing, coming and going through our lives. And what they pass through is the vast spaciousness of who we truly are. As we become aware we are able to accept, and embrace those negative feelings, learn from their message, and then let go of any identification with them. Thus allowing them to visit us temporarily, move through us, and then let them go.
I send you Love and Blessings, Joyce
I would like to hear your views on expectations and how they affect your life.
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